The main encouragement I want to give to someone that's going through grief, especially the loss of a child, is that you have to learn how to cope. It's not easy. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it's easy because it's not. I may make it look easy, but it's really not. It's only because of the grace of God and God's strength. When you understand who you are and you have an assignment on your life, you have to learn how to cope and deal.

If you've been self-medicating or seeking comfort in things other than God, I want to suggest that you try putting your trust in a higher power, whether it's Jesus or something else. While people have different beliefs, it's important to acknowledge that things will always let you down. When you're trying to numb pain, whether it be through drugs, alcohol, or something else, the pain will still be there when you're finished. It's important to get to a place where you can learn how to process the pain and find healthier ways to cope.

There are several stages of grief. The first one is the stage of shock. You're just devastated. The next phase is denial. When you're in denial, it doesn't seem real. Those are all the things that you need to feel. You need to get in that moment and feel that. Don't just sweep it under the rug and act like it's okay when it's not. It's really not okay.

The third thing is anger. There are things that can make us angry, such as battling with the fact that someone isn't here anymore. We might also be angry because there were so many things we had planned and wanted to do. Sometimes, we even direct our anger toward God, thinking that He shouldn't have let that happen. However, I've come to realize that God only graced us with a certain amount of time. It's up to us to cherish our family members, friends, loved ones, and everyone else while we can. Holding grudges and staying angry for months or years is not worth it, as we never know what tomorrow may bring.

When you get to that place of anger, you have to learn how to reel that in because the Bible says, "Be angry, but sin not." The problem is not in being angry. The problem is when you sin afterwards. You say things that you shouldn't say. You do things that you shouldn't do. You treat people in certain ways. You get upset and mean and hateful to people. But you have to realize that's the phase that you have to get through. That's why it's stages. It's phases. Once you deal with the anger of losing a loved one, you have to face it head on. You have to have a talk with whoever you need to talk to. You have to be able to release it and get it out. Say what you need to say. Just remember, be angry and sin not.

I'm saying this because some people battle with grief for a long time. No one can tell you how long to grieve. No one can tell you how you should grieve. But the thing is, you're processing your way through it. You don't get stuck in any of these stages. You don't get stuck in shock. You don't get stuck in denial. You don't get stuck in anger.

One of the next ones is bargaining. If I hadn't done this, then maybe they wouldn't have died. If I hadn't been here, or if I would have gone home that night, or if I would have done this differently, then they would still be here with us. Well, you can say all of that, but God's timing is His timing. Stop beating yourself up. You could not control what God does.

Depression is one of the stages of grief that takes us to a place where we just don't want to move. We don't want to be around anybody, we're isolated, secluded, and just want to be by ourselves. However, we have to declare God's goodness and do the work. When you get to that place of depression, you can't think about depressing thoughts. If you think depressing thoughts, you will remain depressed.

When dealing with loss, it's important to focus on the good memories. Recall the happy times, the moments you shared together, the laughter you shared. Holding on to these positive memories is crucial because dwelling on negative thoughts can lead to depression. Instead of listening to sad music and thinking about times when the person you lost wasn't there, make an effort to remember the good times. Allow yourself to grieve, but don't get stuck in a negative mindset. Pull yourself up and focus on the positive memories.

It's important to seek help and not try to handle grief all by yourself. It's a journey that requires support and help from others. While the pain of loss may never completely go away, acceptance brings hope and the ability to move forward. Hold onto the good memories and do what you need to do to free yourself from the grief. God has a plan for your life and you are still gifted, called, and anointed to do great things. There's a lot left that you have to do. So, when you get to that place of depression, you have to declare His goodness and do the work. Be present with your friends and family, and love on and appreciate those who have been by your side.

After losing my son, I felt lost and didn't know how to handle my grief. I took two weeks off of work and planned his funeral, but then I hit a wall and didn't feel like doing anything. It's important to spend time with loved ones while you can because you never know when it will be the last time. Don't put off spending time with friends and family until tomorrow or the next day, because that time may not come. Love and appreciate those who have been by your side, and give people their flowers while they're still alive. If you find yourself in a depressive state, don't hesitate to seek help from a therapist, counselor, or coach.

Processing through grief is a journey that requires support and help from others. It's okay to seek help and not try to handle it all by yourself. Sometimes it's hard to pull yourself from a depressing place, but it's important to try. Get to someone who you can talk to, whether it's a therapist, counselor, or coach. While the pain of loss may never completely go away, acceptance brings hope and the ability to move forward. Hold onto the good memories and do what you need to do to free yourself from the grief. God has a plan for your life and you are still gifted, called, and anointed to do great things.

Eventually, you must learn to let go and move on. It may sound harsh, but it's necessary. If you don't, you'll remain stuck and unable to reach your full potential. You can no longer stay stuck. Instead, hold on to the good memories and move forward. God has so much more in store for you and left you here for a reason. Therefore, complete your assignment, love while you can, and live in the present. Be present with your friends and family, and show love and appreciation to those who have been by your side.

My husband often criticizes me for being on my cell phone, and I know I'm not the only one who struggles with being present. Sometimes I'm here with him physically, but mentally I'm not fully engaged. I had to realize that I couldn't allow myself to get stuck in that moment because I have a ministry. A whole church family depends on me. While they gave me time and space, prayed for me, and supported me, I couldn't let them down. I couldn't drop the ball because God has not changed His mind about me. He still wants me to use my gifts, follow His calling, and walk in the anointing He has placed on my life. So, I need to get up, get out of the rut, dust myself off, and try again.

I am a witness and an example that you can get through the stages of grief and find happiness and wholeness. If this message has resonated with you, use the form below to leave me a message or comment. Don't forget to do the exercises below; they will help deepen your understanding of this process. Remember, the joy of the Lord is your strength. With that said, I love you very much. God bless you.

from the Episcopal Desk of,

+ Tammy Wilson, M.Msc; EILC;SCLC

    Exalted Word Ministries, Clt