After speaking with a few of the participants that were in the audience during our panel discussion today, And hearing some of their discomfort, I saw the need for me, as the organizer of the discussion and President of the Sacred College, to offer an apology and, with that apology, clarity on behalf of the college.
In a recent panel discussion, we explored what it means to be “unequally yoked” and the biblical guidance around relationships, particularly those where one partner is a believer and the other is not. I realize that some of our conversation may have unintentionally brought up more questions than answers, and for that, I want to apologize. Our discussions are meant to bring clarity, not confusion, and it’s important to me that we have a clear understanding of God’s heart on this matter.
2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
In this scripture written by the Apostle Paul, he reminds us that relationships, especially marriage, are deeply spiritual bonds that impact our lives on every level. The term "unequally yoked" comes from farming, where two animals of different strengths are joined to plow a field. When one is stronger or faster, they struggle against each other rather than working in unity. The same applies to believers who enter into relationships with non-believers—there's a lack of spiritual unity that eventually creates tension and struggle.
But let’s go deeper, because I realize that simply saying “be equally yoked” isn’t enough. Some may question why this matters when we see examples of men outside the faith treating women with love and respect, sometimes even more so than those who claim the name of Christ. This is an important distinction to make: claiming to be a Christian is not the same as living out Christ-like love.
Fruit
The sad truth is that some men may carry the title of “Christian” yet treat women with dishonor, lacking the fruits of true faith. Jesus said in Matthew 7:16, “You will know them by their fruits.” True followers of Christ bear the fruits of the Spirit—love, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. If a man calls himself a Christian but mistreats, degrades, or even abuses a woman, then we have to question whether he is truly walking in the Spirit, is he really saved?
Questioning a Person Salvation?
Some might argue that questioning a person's salvation based on their actions is judgmental. However, it's crucial to understand the difference between judgment and discernment. Judgment, in the negative sense, involves making assumptions without facts or evidence. What we're discussing here is discernment based on observable behavior and actions.
Jesus Himself taught us in Matthew 7:16-20, "You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits."
When we observe a consistent pattern of behavior that contradicts the teachings of Christ and the fruits of the Spirit, we're not making unfounded judgments. Instead, we're applying the biblical principle of discernment. The Apostle Paul also instructs us in 1 Corinthians 5:12-13 to judge those inside the church, emphasizing our responsibility to discern and address unChristlike behavior within the body of believers.
Therefore, when a person's lifestyle and actions consistently fail to align with the characteristics of a child of God, it's not judgmental to question their spiritual state. Their fruit, or lack thereof, speaks volumes about their relationship with Christ. This isn't about condemning individuals, but about recognizing that true salvation produces a transformed life. While we all stumble and fall short at times, a genuine believer should show evidence of the Holy Spirit's work in their life, manifesting in love, kindness, and respect towards others, especially in their treatment of women.
The Apostle John says in 1 John 4:20, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar.”
In some cases, men outside the faith may treat women with more decency than those merely carrying the Christian label. But let me be clear: a man who would put his hands on a woman in anger, call her out of her name, or demean her is not led by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit’s role in a believer’s life is to convict us when we fall short and guide us to repentance and transformation. If a man can mistreat a woman without remorse or conviction, then we must ask if he is truly led by Christ or merely wearing a Christian label.
Jesus Himself showed us how to honor and uplift women. In John 8, when a woman was accused and condemned by others, Jesus extended compassion, protecting her from harm and calling her to a life of dignity. This is the standard for true Christian manhood—a man of faith should protect, uplift, and respect a woman, seeing her as a sister in Christ worthy of love and honor.
So, sisters, when you consider a man’s faith, look beyond his words and examine his actions. James 2:26 reminds us, “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.” Faith that is alive will always show itself in a man’s treatment of those around him, especially the women in his life. If he truly honors Christ, he will honor you. If he doesn’t, his actions will reveal his heart.
As believers, let us not be swayed by mere words. Let’s look for a life that genuinely reflects Christ. And to anyone who has been hurt by those who claimed the name of Christ but did not show His heart, know that God sees, He cares, and He is the healer of our wounds. True faith brings true love, and God calls each of us to relationships that reflect His grace, dignity, and unity. May we all pursue relationships that honor God and reveal His love to the world.
Boundaries
No matter how much you love a person, if your love for Christ does not supersede that love and cause you to have boundaries and standards, you will be most miserable. To win a person to Christ is one thing, but relationships with a person who is not saved will blur your judgments and cause you to find yourself compromising on who God called you to be.
In all fairness, I'm sure we can find instances where people were saved and married unsaved people, and their relationship and marriage worked out wonderfully! But for those of us who call ourselves children of God, that should not be the standard! The standard should be the word of God!
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV): "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said:'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.'Therefore, 'Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.''And I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.'"
This passage emphasizes the importance of maintaining spiritual purity and separation from worldly influences, particularly in close relationships like marriage.
This metaphor illustrates the fundamental incompatibility between believers and unbelievers in matters of faith and lifestyle. Light represents truth, purity, and righteousness associated with God and His followers. Darkness symbolizes sin, ignorance, and separation from God. Just as light and darkness cannot coexist in the same space, there's a spiritual principle that believers and unbelievers have fundamentally different worldviews, values, and spiritual orientations.
This doesn't mean Christians should completely isolate themselves from non-believers. Rather, it cautious against forming deep, binding relationships (like marriage or dating ) where this spiritual mismatch could lead to conflict, compromise of faith, or hindered spiritual growth. The idea is that such a union would be constantly strained by opposing spiritual forces, much like trying to mix light and darkness.
In the context of relationships, this principle encourages believers to seek partners who share their faith and values, ensuring a foundation of spiritual unity and shared purpose in their life together.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the concept of being "equally yoked" is not just about finding someone who shares your faith in name, but someone whose life truly reflects the transformative power of Christ. It's about seeking a partner whose love for God guides their actions, shapes their character, and influences their treatment of others, especially you. Remember that your relationship with Christ should always come first, setting the foundation for all other relationships in your life.
As believers, we are called to be light in this world, and our relationships should reflect that calling. By prioritizing our relationship with God and seeking partners who genuinely share our faith and values, we create the potential for relationships that not only honor God but also bring joy, growth, and spiritual fulfillment to our lives. May we all have the wisdom to discern true faith, the courage to uphold godly standards in our relationships, and the grace to love as Christ loves us.
From The Episcopal Desk of:
+Martin Wilson
Sacred Servant College
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